To Girls Who Love Boys Who Don't Love Them Back

I recently realized how fatally attracted I am to boys who repeatedly let me down...but that it's all my fault. These are the steps I'm taking to break the cycle:

1. Stop giving.

You can't give to a taker, nor can you change a taker into a giver by giving to them. The phrase "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is beautiful in theory, but only people who live by the same motto deserve your unconditional kindness.

2. Stop blaming.

In crappy one-sided relationships, we often blame the other person, but you alone make the choice to stay. Stop victimizing yourself and understand that you have the power to leave any situation you are unhappy in. Don't blame him for being an asshole; blame yourself being with an asshole.  

3. Step outside.

Every time you give too much -- or forgive too much -- imagine you are someone else watching yourself. And then imagine what that person would think of you. Pathetic, right?

4. Give the nice guy a chance

You know who I'm talking about. That guy who treats you like you've always wanted to be treated, and yet, for some unknown reason, you've never given him a chance. Give the man a shot. Hell, go out on a Friday night and give him two shots! Maybe then he'll show you his bad side. Not his bad bad side, but the bold, assertive side of him that likely won't come out until he loosens up and you spend more time together.

5. Love yourself first

I think that part of why I attract selfish guys because I am, for the most part, a selfless person...or at least I strive to be. But sometimes you've got to be a little selfish. You deserve at least as much as you're putting into every relationship you're in, and should never settle for anything less.

♥A
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Twitter: twitter.com/alexgovere
Facebook: facebook.com/alexandragovere 

Email: alexandragovere@gmail.com

How to get the girl (or get the girl to sleep with you...):

1. Whether or not you are, text her to tell her you're "thinking about her." Set a daily alarm if you must. Hell, set one for every chick you're messing with. It takes a lot less to please us than you think; even if you don't give a fuck, a the 30 seconds you take to text her may get you one...

2. Tell her something she hasn't heard before. If people typically praise her beauty (/booty), compliment her wit. If she's often called "smart," flatter her more superficial side. When all else fails, tell her how "unique" she is. It sounds like (and kind of is) bull, and she'll probably ask for clarification, but you'd be surprised by how easily we fall for non-answers. "I don't know...you're just unlike anyone I've ever met before." See that?! See how you just said everything yet nothing at the same time?! Winning!

3. Listen closely when she talks about her ex--because we all unfortunately do...probably too much--and be everything he wasn't. Not in the grand ways, but in the minute details. For example, my ex only took me to dinner once in two years...and it was to Arby's...and when I tried to order a combo, he told me he would only pay for the sandwich. I'm not saying I want the next fella to take me anywhere fancy, but can I at least get fries and a drink?!

4. I'm sorry for hurting you, but I only did it because of what you said yesterd--STOP RIGHT THERE! Learn to say you're sorry with no ifs, ands, or buts about it. An apology should be just that--an apology--not a deferment of guilt or blame. We ladies could definitely work on this too.

5. I know you like to be all tough, and manly, and eat steak--while watching football, while holding a beer in your right hand and repairing a car with your left--all the time...but don't forget to soften up, even if it's just for a quick kiss on the forehead while you grab another Coors Light from the fridge. And maaaaan, do we fall for the kiss on the forehead.

Remember: she doesn't care if you do it because you want to, or because she wants you to; because you remember to, or because you set an alarm to remind you; all she cares about is that you do it.

Beginning to think my blog is just one giant handbook for players...please use your newfound powers for good. ;)
♥A
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Twitter: twitter.com/alexgovere

Facebook: facebook.com/alexandragovere 
Email: alexandragovere@gmail.com

In All Honesty, Vol. 5:

1. The most beautiful thing about love is no two people love the same way. The most difficult thing about love is no two people love the same way. Loving people is easy, but loving them right is hard. In my last failed relationship, we loved each other, but neither of us ever felt loved. This was because we required different things to feel loved and so much was lost in translation. Learn to speak your lover's language, and you'll stand a better chance than most couples. 

2. Compromise, compromise, compromise...unless it's over the right side of the bed, 'cause that ish is ALWAYS mine. 

3. It takes a sick but honest person to admit that sometimes it feels good to be loved, but not give love in return. I think that some part of us will always want revenge for every time it's been the other way around. I like to pride myself in not playing games with others' emotions, but I sometimes find myself doing it...and fucking loving it...before I feel sick to my stomach with guilt.  

4. Crazy is good. The good crazy gets us places, and the bad crazy makes sure nobody stands in our way while we're getting there.

5. I recently scared the shit out of myself when I realized that I can't wait to have kids. Don't get me wrong. I WILL wait to have kids -- probably for a very long time -- but I can't wait for the day my life doesn't revolve around me anymore. Only as parents do I believe that we can truly learn to be selfless. 
♥A
_ _ _ _ 
Twitter: twitter.com/alexgovere

Facebook: facebook.com/alexandragovere 
Email: alexandragovere@gmail.com

5 things you shouldn't tweet after an argument (5 things I have stupidly tweeted after an argument):

1. Don't write a cryptic tweet about it. Only it won't be cryptic at all, because Taylor Swift lyrics never are.

2. Don't tweet about how awesome your life is, post-argument, when you've really spent the entire weekend crying in your PJs and getting super excited and then super depressed every time your phone rings and it isn't your boo.

3. Don't find a dramatic French quote on the internet and then Tweet it...even though you don't speak French.

4. Don't tweet about how strong you are when really, you're a big puss.

5. Don't tweet about your side ho to make your main ho jealous. Especially if your side ho is imaginary.

Also, don't write an angry love song, film an emo video, and post it on YouTube... 

Apparently, I don't follow any of my own advice. But you should. And I do speak French, but that doesn't make me any less dramatic or any more dateable.
♥A

In All Honesty, Vol. 3:

1. Some men don't understand that a woman can have a dirty sense of humor, but not be a slut. More laughter, less sexy eyes the next time I make an inappropriate joke, please. You didn't try to make out with your boy when he made the same joke five minutes ago!

2. Whenever I become conscious of the fact that I am wearing a thong, it suddenly becomes the most uncomfortable thing in the world. Thongs are like constant, full-on wedgies that women wake up every morning and CHOOSE to have. Eff you, society, for making panty lines so offensive.

3. Stop worrying about whether or not people like you, and start worrying about whether or not you like yourself. Once you do, you won't give a damn about what people think. In fact, rather than wondering if people like you, your first concern will be whether or not you like them.

4. If your happiness depends on someone else, you're f*cking up. When someone else makes you unhappy, the only one to blame is yourself for letting them.

5. I'm worried that people in relationships never stop wanting/looking for someone better. We bang/date/marry our best current options...but that doesn't mean "better" options won't present themselves in the future. I would most certainly leave him for Ryan Gosling; he would most certainly leave me for Rosie Huntington-Whitley. That was a superficial example, but beyond that, what if one or both parties meet people they can better relate to? Kids change this, maybe. But is a relationship true if the glue holding it together is children? I'd love your opinions. There are so many wonderful people in the world, and perhaps I'm just too insecure to believe that one fish would want to settle with me forever when there are so many other (bigger boobied) fish swimming in the sea.

♥A

5 (Casual) Dating Rules:

1. If he is not your boyfriend, he doesn't owe you shit.

Not a phone call, not an immediate text response, not for you to be the only girl he has flirtatious Twitter back and forths with. If you're dating casually, you can't freak out when he treats you...well, casually. In fact, freaking out will make it less likely that he will ever want something more serious with you.

On the bright side, if you are not his girlfriend, you don't owe him anything either. Which brings me to...

2. If he doesn't have to be your boyfriend for you to treat him like he is, he's probably not in a hurry to make things official.

Why would a guy want a girlfriend when he's getting everything he wants--sex, attention, and maybe even your love (You think you're good at hiding it, but you slipped the day you made him a sandwich after sex.)--without one? Of course he wants to have his cake and eat it too...that's what cake is fucking for. And if you're buying the ingredients, baking the cake, and feeding him every mouthful, you bet he's going to both have AND eat it. (Imagine being with someone who's willing to give you everything you want--emotionally and physically--but technically can't complain if you're also dating Ryan Gosling. Would you say no to that?!) I'm not saying you shouldn't give him everything you think he deserves; however, be sure you're also getting everything you know you deserve.

3. Set the boundaries.

When you say, "I don't want anything serious," do you really mean, "I don't want anything serious yet"? Be honest with your partner about what you want. More importantly, be honest with yourself about what you want. Casual dating only works when all three daters (him/her, you, and secret crazy you) are on the same page. Are you dating casually casually, or formally casually? You don't wanna be the kid checking your phone every 15 seconds for a message from someone who doesn't give a damn.

4. Date other people.

If you do find yourself falling for someone who isn't falling for you, but for some crazy reason want to keep seeing them (I call it crazy, but really, this happens all the time), add another player to your roster. (It took me years to realize that we are YOUNG, and there's nothing wrong or slutty about casually dating two people at once.) Don't pick any ol' girl/guy you meet in line at Starbucks. You've got to at least sort of like them so they can distract you from really liking someone else. You learning not to care too much might teach Dater #1 to care enough. (Or not.) You may even find yourself pleasantly surprised when your bench warmer becomes your MVP.

Note: I am not advising you to use good people as pawns in your evil game of chess. Be honest with everyone you're dating about whether or not you are seeing other people...for your hearts' and your uninfected genitals' sakes.

5. Don't play games.

The problem with games is there can only be one winner (Unless we're talking about the Hunger Games...but Katniss and Peeta were an exception to the rules.) Dating is not about winning. It's about mutually enjoying each other's company and/or private parts, for as long as you both desire to. If you are casually dating with the hopes of it becoming something more serious, remember that the "one" for you should not be turned off by your honesty and availability. Say and do whatever the hell you want, with someone who appreciates you for now, for then, or forever.

Now disregard everything I just said, and learn to have fun with no expectations. Don't over-think things, and let them naturally progress as they should.
♥A 

5 Things You Should Stop Doing:

1. Stressing.

You're going to stress over a lot of the same sh*t for the rest of your life. All that'll change is how much you let it affect you. Make a mental (or even a written) list of the things that stress you out, and separate them into two categories: short-term and long-term. Fix the things you can fix today, and to the rest, say "Fuck it!" Don't let the things you can't resolve right now keep you from enjoying yourself right now.

2. Calling that asshole.

You have GOT to stop calling that asshole. The only thing that sucks more than calling that asshole is waiting for that asshole to call you back (which he/she doesn't always do). We all have an inherent ability to tell who is and who is not good for us. Usually instantaneously. Don't ignore that sinking feeling you get in your gut every time you reach out, or hang out, or make out with that asshole. You know better, so do better.  

3. Needing _____ to be happy.

We will never have all of things that we want to be happy...but we always have all of the things that we need to be happy. Really, all you need to be happy is to be alive. Rather than setting conditions for your happiness, learn to be happy with who you are and what you have right now. Life isn't about dreams coming true, it's about the thrill of dreaming.

4. Fearing/hiding your bad side.

"Good" and "bad" emotions are just the same energy projected in different directions and intensities. Rather than fearing and hiding your bad side, harness and tame it, then use its passion and ferocity for good.

5. Looking in the mirror

Note to self: Nothing has changed since the last time you looked. I promise.

Casually checking myself out in a coffee shop window,
♥A